I pace the kitchen. I'm exhausted. I've been dry for over 9months. I know all I need is a sip to give me that jolt I need right now. I pace. I do a few chores. I sit at my computer and my eyes feel heavy. I have to get through this work day. I shuffle back into the kitchen. The dark shadows of guilt lurking over my shoulder as I open the fridge and pull out a can of red bull. I pop the tab "crack" and my heart starts to pound with anticipation. I take a looooooooooooong draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggged oooooooooout sip. Savouring every second of the cool refreshing fluid over my lips and down my throat. I reluctantly pull the can back and swallow. I sigh. I whimper. This is not a good idea. My body nearly shut down from too much cortisol. What was I doing.
Pouring the can down the sink....the splatter of my tear drops falling against the steal....recovery is a life long process.
I toss the can in the trash and pause, realizing there is more than one can in there. I pull myself together and promise myself...today will be a better day. Today.
LAMO - okay but seriously - its THAT dramatic, I swear!
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