DO YOU EVER

Get tired of your own voice thinking? I'm so tired of listening to myself. F'me. 

MEASURING TIME

I'm laying bed with the window slightly open...it's a fall evening and its just after a rain. The wind blow the leaves and the crickets sing. I love this. The clouds move spread out across the sky where an almost full moon shines bright white casting amazing iridescent shadows...these are my favorite nights. Tonight is why I moved back east. A year ago I laid in bed in a small apartment listening to traffic wiz by below. i had 700 square feet of granite counter tops in southern California. Tonight I have an old bathroom that reminds me of my grandparents house....two stories of creaking floors...built ins from 1940 and a kitchen that is...well hard to describe.  That night, the eve of everything that began the forward motion bringing me to the present. Some of that was miraculous and some of it was pretty dark. It's really where a journey ended and another one began. They say whata difference a day can make...but sometimes it's longer...a year has stretched out since that night and I'm sure I still have far to go. But for this moment I will lay in wonder and blissful gratitude of the night that stretches before me. 

WHEN I THINK ABOUT WHO I AM

Spending a lot of time wondering who I am and how I fit into the world. How are we defined anyways? So much of I was came about through survival. My reacting to the world and my environmental circumstances versus my be-ing in the world. I remember pieces of myself. But never the whole. There are moments now where I connect and think "oh me! This is me!" And then as quickly as that moment washes over me - it washes through me and is gone....there I am standing on the center of the dance floor alone. 

PEACE

Pearl Jam fan? I am. Their new album came out today...Future Days is my favorite song....it's like a lullaby I can just cry myself to sleep to.

"Back when I was feeling broken I focused on a prayer. You came deep as any ocean. Did something out there hear?" 

Oh my - the melody brings me peace. I wish life was as simple as that song.