WHY?

Does it have it be so hard? I'm having a hard time believing I signed up for this. Sometimes I wish things were easy (easier) like everyone else. Other times I think that type of stagnation wouldn't suit me anyways. It's just that this constant uphill struggle is, well - has worn me out. I'm not sure I have much, if anything left me. I use to have this crazy idea that everything happened for a reason. Now not so much. It feels like the universe is just toying with me in the most cruel ways. Faith is hard to come by these days. I saw the Fast & Furious last night and there is a line in the movie "how did you know that car was going to catch us?" To which he replies "I didn't but sometimes you have to take it on faith". I could have started crying, I actually had to hold back. I use to have that kinda faith but I don't know. Life feels really messy lately and so do my ideas on fate and destiny. Maybe it exists but mine is just broken. Maybe I broke it like most things in my life. I suppose that line made me cry because I want to believe I can take all these signs on faith but it seems - well just messy. So for now I will keep pretending to ignore the signs...