So lately everybody keeps saying "oh, so wait, your leaving next week? wow. already?" and i put on a good convincing show of confidence and reply "yeah....headed out next week..." and then they all want to dig in "so wait why are you moving?" and then i get even more inquistive looks....as i white knuckle it through trying to play off like i know what i'm doing. but f' i don't know what i'm doing. let me make this clear I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. and i'm too worn out to care how transparent that is. but at least i'm doing something. at least i'm not accepting the status quo as the end all be all. there may not be a happy ending for me. f' i don't care anymore. i'm tired of hoping or thinking the happy ending is what comes next in this urban story of woe. so better to charge forward into the unknown versus sitting around dwelling on the fact.
just to get the record straight - the rough plan is to move to a place with lower cost of living in a semi tolerable environment. save my money for five years and then really run away. like hardcore pack a backpack and a plane ticket and just start wandering. that my friend is the f'ing fantasy in my head.
so everyday the carrot in front of my nose is to run away to a half way deserted island and live off cocnuts for the balance of my exsistance. you want truth? there you have it. half baked and as dellusional as it gets (because to be honest, i don't even like coconuts...)
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