I had a chance conversation with that guy from last year. I asked (thinking it would constructive for me to hear) why "her" and not "me". The answer was pretty simple. A list of all my amazing qualities followed by "I will never meet a girl like you again but I just didnt have "those" feelings for you".
It echo'd like a whisper through a canyon...ricocheting around my the hallowed feeling in my chest. I've heard that line over and over and over again my entire life. I remember wandering out into the living room at midnight in NJ on the eve of the return to CA and my ex sat there and said the exact same thing to me.
So I took it to therapy yesterday and of course got no where. I asked what was missing inside if me that was so unlovable. What is it about me that doesn't provoke that feeling from another?
I just got a lot of feel good babble. He said "you have no idea how powerful you can be!?" So what does that even mean? Does being powerful mean that I'm just capable of doing it all alone? Does being powerful mean I don't need to be loved?
I'm just getting too tired to figure it out.
No comments:
Post a Comment