THE THINGS WE LEAVE BEHIND

So I tried reiki an acupuncture - I believe the acupuncture will work - the reiki on the other hand was strange though - and if I'm calling something strange that says something. I once saw a shaman and he told me to carry flowers in my pockets and my period came (while taking the pill straight through) I thought that made perfect sense. But reiki - reiki may have unnerved me. The reiki master said she was going to check my chakras and explained she never does that but felt compelled with me. She noted that while I was grounded as a person I was not rooted to the earth...that while I was clearly in a spiritual quest I was completely disconnected from the Devine. From the divine's side. Makes perfect sense in the most painful sense. My intuition was working fine (obviously not) and my third eye was brilliantly open (f'u). Oh and my heart chakra? Completely closed. Tight. Finally. I succeed at something! 

She worked on me for an hour. At the end I asked her what she saw. She was perplexed by my state of being. She said I had done a great job of clearing and getting rid of things but that I hadn't filled that space with anything. I was in essence an empty vessel. And she just looked at me. Made some comments about filling that space. And I stated "What if I just want to keep that space empty?" And she looked at me with a sense of composed shock. 

On Monday night I wrote a letter to God. I wrapped up all of my dreams and put them in a bag with the letter to bury in the earth. I read the letter and cried before packing it up. I went to bed and fell into what I refer to as the I between space. Which feels like a swoosh gravitational or magnetic pull into a vision of sorts. I saw an elephant and a man riding on brilliant white clouds...they were painted or dressed in bright pink and turquoise blue...I couldn't tell if the man an the elephant were one...it appeared they were. They looked at me directly in the eye - they kind I eye contact that pierces you. That is alive and real. Directly into you. I thought my gosh this is Ganesh!? Ganesh is the Hindu God of all Gods...his birth story reads like Jesus's in a way. While I do not follow Hinduism I am aware of it...Ganesh is half man half elephant and is the remover of obstacles. I woke suddenly and ignored it. At one time in my life it would have been a sign. But not these days. It did nag at me though. So I googled it. Monday is Ganesh's holiday/celebration day...go figure. Again some would consider this auspicious...but me? I'm ignoring it.